If you can't verbalize it, then write

I am not one for conflict. I very much like to have things resolved, and quickly. I want everyone to like me, which isn't going to happen, and it might explain why my opinion of myself is so negative.

We've just ended birthday season as I call it. My children are 6, 4, and 2, and I just turned 30. Rich's grandfather decided that he had had enough of his earthly body, and flew to the arms of Jesus on Jack's and my birthday. A day of celebration my sister-in-law called it. Indeed. His life's journey is over, his heart and health have been restored, and his sanctification is complete. God called him home because the death of His saints is precious to Him, (Psalm 115:16). We all miss him, and we will do everything that we can to keep his memory alive for his great grandchildren. His hobby after retiring from practicing medicine was wood working, and was he ever good at it. We are fortunate enough to have some pieces of furniture that he made for us. He made amazing toys for each of our boys, and he made a jewelry box for Emma that even has a music box in it. Rich brought it home 2 weeks ago when he went to visit Grandpop. How cool that he got to give it to Emma himself.

We were blessed to have Jerram Barrs preach at church yesterday as part of our send off for our pastor. He's headed off on a 5 month sabbatical. I need to pray for him while he is gone. He asked for prayer for his ability to relax; I can relate to that.
Mr. Barrs led Sunday school too, and talked about Jesus' interaction with Zacchaeus, who was most despised by the people of the day because he was a tax collector. But Jesus chose to display not only a desire to spend time with Zacchaeus at his home, but to show him mercy. He forgave him and Zacchaeus repented, and then went on to restore what he had taken wrongly in the form of taxes. I've been struck by Mr. Barrs talking about our being commanded to show mercy to others because Jesus showed it and does so for me each day.

I've had a lingering issue with a former friend that came up unexpectedly this week. We corresponded last week and forgave each other, or so I thought. We feel differently about something, we handled it differently, and I was expected to forgive her, but she didn't really forgive me for something that had hurt me. We could keep playing the equivalent of tennis with this, but she shut down when I brought my complaint to her(after hearing her complaints and asking for forgiveness). But I need to show mercy and drop this for good. I must not let Satan fill my head with what I want to say because I don't want an "I told you so" moment; I want this buried.

So more importantly I need to strive daily to show mercy to my husband, my children, my friends, and to the driver who cuts me off in traffic. I deserve death for my sin, but God allows me to see the sunrise each day. That's mercy.