Amazing Grace, in spite of me

"...As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while in my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, he gives, along with the command, the love itself." ~ Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place

I cannot stop reading this passage from The Hiding Place. I reread it and I feel the lump begin to form in my throat. If you have not read this book I strongly urge you to do so, tomorrow. I have read this book multiple times, and each time it blesses me and opens my eyes to something new about God's ability, no, more than that, His desire to be with the ten Booms in this place that was too close to hell. The stories of His grace are endless in these pages, and I marvel and weep at them, but his grace is endless in my life too. Do I love my family like Corrie was able to love this former S. S. guard? She LOVED him, y'all. One of the many working parts of Hitler's evil death machine, and she was able to love him. Her father and sister never left the death camps in their earthly bodies. God took them from that place, and Corrie stayed, and God used her there, for His kingdom. Would I have prayed for death to take me? More than likely.
My life is made up, largely, of pride. "Well, at least I don't do that..." Right. Yelling at my child instead of disciplining him immediately is okay. "Well, it gets his attention; besides, he's not as badly behaved as..." Holy guacamole. Seriously?
"I have x,y, and z, so that makes me more complete than..." Wanna bet?
I was able to sit down this morning and read my Bible for the first time in about a week. I MADE time for the first time in about a week. Prideful AND full of sin. And what was the passage du jour? It was in II Samuel; the story of Amnon basically raping his sister Tamar, and then Amnon's death at the hand of their brother Absalom. Better that a cup of joe, right? I actually spent a lot of time this morning contemplating this story, and why I read it today. I don't believe that what I read in the Scriptures is ever coincidence. I don't. I came to the conclusion that life is messy and ugly because of sin. Our world in its current state of fallenness is not how God intended it to be. Afterall, in Genesis He finished creating and called it very good. Not just good, but very good. You've got it all in this story from II Samuel: lust, discontent (Amnon wasn't even eating because he wanted to "know" his sister), incest, rape, hatred(he banished her from his house after he took advantage of her), and then murder. And a lot of pride. Light bulb ON.
Out of one side of my mouth I say how much I love my children, and then lickety-split I chew one of them out for asking me where rain comes from at just the wrong time.
I did the music yesterday for a funeral at my church. This wasn't a family who attends our church, but they asked to have the funeral there. They sang the standard "Amazing Grace," and I was struck, as if for the first time, by the words to the last verse:
"When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise,
Than when we first begun."
I'm not very good at this life. None of us is, thanks to sin. But look at the reward, the prize; the prideless, sinless life that can be ours if we just believe that Jesus, died (for us), rose, and will come again.
He died for ME. Have a blessed week, my friends.